There are things that have been taking WAY too much space in my head. Worries, just…frustrating things.
I swear as I’ve gotten older, especially with social networking, I’ve become needier? Desperate almost. I hate it. I hate how social media has changed me. I mean, you’d think by now I’d be used to being lonely, to not having the life I want? But I’m not.
So you know what? I need to put back up those walls. Try and distance myself from social media for a bit. Concentrate on my blog, my videos, my writing, my reading. Just…do the things I enjoy.
Stop worrying, stop being so pathetic, stop sounding so needy about subscribers. It’s pissing me off about as much as, i’m sure, it’s annoying you guys.
I sound like a whiny child. I need to take a deep breath, close my eyes, calm down, and say to myself:
Don’t worry about who is or isn’t subscribed to you. If people don’t want to talk to you, that’s their loss. The more I think about how alone I am inside and outside, the more it messes with my mind. It makes me paranoid, it makes me even more self-conscious, competitive, and ultimately makes me SO FUCKING UNHAPPY!
But you know what I’ve really come to acknowledge?
Friendship shouldn’t be this hard!
There are people I thought I was their friend, but god forbid I get a decent response out of them when I make contact.
Anyway, from now on I’m going to TRY and chill OUT.
I’m 30 now, and I’m done. I’m so fucking done. I’m always going to care more about people than they do me, and as far as I’m concerned, I’ve tried. If people can’t appreciate me, appreciate my loyalty, my kindness (well, unless you piss me off) then good riddance!
Ugh. I’m taking a break from twitter (as best as I can).
It’s not good for my mental health, and I realise that sounds cliche, but it’s true. Before social media, I dealt. I just dealt. But now I see how many followers I have and why? I see how little subs I have on youtube and how much work I do, or don’t do, and it MESSES WITH MY MIND.
My blog is basically the one place I can be honest. I don’t even talk to people about this stuff because it sounds so whiny.
So here’s to a new me.
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