It’s been a while, it’s true. Nearly a whole month since my last post. Several things happened. I went to NY for a week. I went to BookCon. I vlogged…terribly. I tried to save the edited vlog…and it failed. Ten times. Jeez!
I also thought about my blog and the future of it (eck! future!) and realised for the amount of times I actually post on it, it’s not worth spending out nearly £100 every other year just for hosting/security/domain, that sort of thing, when it gets maybe 10 posts a year. Sigh.
Which is sad because it’s been my baby, something I created, since…well, 2013? Something like that. I know, not long in the grand scheme of things, but my youtube channel became more of a thing for me. To be honest it’s not like I get much interaction on EITHER platform, but for some reason on youtube I feel more involved, because when I see the views, I know people are watching. Whereas on here, I get maybe 10 views. Not to say I don’t appreciate them, because I made friends via this blog and it’d be a shame to waste that. And it’s my fault I don’t post much. But motivation is key and without that then these blog posts just read like me complaining about stuff, and while I could do that to my hearts content…I’m pretty sure it’s not entertaining. Sure, it’s MY blog, I can “do what I want” but no, I can’t. Because if I did that then I’d never get anywhere. Ha. Sigh. Sad sigh.
Whenever my hosting plan contract comes due I’m going to go over to the free WordPress and hope things go smoothly. I love this theme. Hell, I PAID for this theme. But who knows. Maybe I’ll keep the domain. If things don’t look up by next May (when I think my hosting plan ends) then…I’ll let you know what happens.
At this point (sorry, diverting to BookCon again), I think it’s too late to really talk about my adventures. It’s been welllll over a week and my memory is hazy. I didn’t even vlog properly throughout. I started pretty well, but I rarely “checked in” over the weekend and the camera work is shoddy. Mostly due to my insecurity about vlogging in public. Kinda like “if I don’t make it obvious I’m filming and talking to a camera, maybe people won’t notice?” so I don’t keep it steady. WHAT AN IDIOT. Anyway, It’s all practice, I suppose. Maybe vlogging publicly isn’t my thing.
I know a couple of you asked me to vlog, and I did, but I don’t know if or when or ever the material will reach the light of day. Besides, 90% of the vlogs are via instagram stories. If you saw those, then you already know what I got up to. If you didn’t…I’ll try and post pictures soon if you want me to.
Don’t worry. I haven’t gone mad. It’s just something to say when you don’t know WHAT to say, amirite?
I have been SUPER CALIFRAGILISTICLY behind on blogging – see what I did there? – and I’m both feeling guilty and even more lost as to know what to blog about. I haven’t been reading new books lately since I’m STILL rereading the Shadowhunter books (I’m on City of Heavenly Fire! So close!) and I’m almost desperate to get to new books, because they’re staring at me. Giving me evil looks like I’ve betrayed them. I’M SORRY, OKAY?
And I’m going to go off topic AGAIN because this post is not just about me making excuses (which are really valid but still..). Today I feel like talking to you about something completely UNBOOKISH related – yah because I don’t spend ALL my time thinking about books…(almost). I also love…music. Yep. As well as TV shows, I also love to listen to music. I mean, who doesn’t? But I think without music my life would be SOUL DESTROYING!
This past…I guess month, I wanna say, I’ve come across a few new singers on youtube. I mean, I think I’d heard of them in passing before but only recently did I bother to watch their videos, listen to their songs, etc. I like them so much I even decided to support a couple of them on Patreon (yes I am skint and yes I know I shouldn’t because it’s money but shh okay). If you don’t know what Patreon is…well that’s another story. I would so go into having my own account but I’m not anywhere near as successful enough for anyone to want to support me that way. I’m not even being self-pitying when I say that. It’s a matter of fact.
Any who. Jeez I divert so much, don’t I? What new singers am I talking about you may be asking… well.
I have this overwhelming respect and admiration for ANYONE who can write their own songs, sing and have it sound really good. I mean, take Taylor Swift for instance (please don’t shoot me down in flames) she doesn’t have the GREATEST voice on the planet, but she has FUCKING STAND UP SKILLS at writing lyrics that just catch in your head and never LEAVES! I SWEAR TO GOD! lol
I’ve been lurking Dodie’s channel for her original songs – It’s odd but I prefer the songs she does there than the ones she releases on her EP… – and I just can’t get some of them out of my brain. ‘Would You Be So Kind‘ is one I discovered yesterday and I LOVE IT. Also there’s a live version of ‘When‘ on her EP that I adore so much. I can kind of relate a little to it which is probably why it makes me sad to hear it but also I just sing along whenever it tickles my brain, yknow?
Emma Blackery’s songs are KILLER and ‘Nothing Without You‘ – which is a recent single she released (you can find it on Spotify, and…other places) – is basically a song I listened to 20 times straight one day shortly after finding it and I found myself singing it to myself at night, or really…any time. I’m waiting for her new EP to be released. I’ll admit I’m not too fond of her older stuff, and her new song ‘Magnetised‘ isn’t to my taste, but ‘Sucks To Be You‘ (from her last EP) just gets me every time and I look forward to some new stuff. 🙂
Tessa Violet has a soft, gentle voice, and one where at first I was like “meh she’s not that good.” but really, a few listens in and I realised though her voice is soft, it’s unique, and her lyrics are quite deep. Now I just love her. I love her duets with Dodie, too, which are some of my favourite videos ever! Tessa also hasn’t released anything new in a while, EP wise, but on her last one there’s a song called ‘Haze‘ and at first I was like “this is weird…” but now I cannot stop singing it to myself, or playing it and being all haunting as I sing along. (can you tell I love to sing? yeah)
This isn’t a sponsored plug post by the way. I have no doubt neither of these lovely girls know I exist (though I did tag Emma in a tweet once about how I couldn’t stop listening to her music and had no regrets! and she liked it 😀 ) but still I feel like if I’m enjoying their stuff, I should do what I can to promote them, right?
Besides them, I’ve also found some killer tunes released by some of my fave artists:
Bad Liar by Selena Gomez – at first I wasn’t keen but now I just have it spinning around and around and I’m tryin i’m tryin i’m tryin so hard no to keep singing it…
Malibu by Miley Cyrus – I won’t lie, I’m ECSTATIC that she’s back with new music (and music I can tolerate) and I hope to God her next album is more to my taste. If not, well, I’ll be content with a couple of songs at least.
No Promises by Cheat Codes ft Demi Lovato – The very few dance songs I listen to all have a theme: they feature an artist I loooove. So yeah this song is just so catchy, and thankfully not too…overly full of noise that it ruins the beat.
It Ain’t Me by Kygo ft Selena Gomez – much like the song above, I really only listened to this because of Selena, and at first the overly repetitive chorus nonsense drove me insane, but after a few listens I got used to it and now I love it.
Attention by Charlie Puth – good lord this boy can sing and oh my god I can’t stop singing this song! It’s subtle, and if I wasn’t the kind of person to appreciate a good melody then I probably wouldn’t notice. But it hooks under your skin, for sure.
There’s Nothing Holding Me Back by Shawn Mendes – THIS SONG IS A VIRUS AND IT WILL RUIN YOU FOR OTHER MUSIC I’M NOT EVEN JOKING. lol I of course mean that in the best possible sense. It’s fast tempo’d, catchy, fun and I am so excited for a new album from this lovely guy!
So that’s it. Well, for now. There are other songs I could mention but I fear if I keep going this post will be a hundred miles long. I hope I’ve enlightened you into some new music. Granted it’s all POP but there are different types of pop for everyone. I’ve hyperlinked the Youtubers so, if you want, you can go visit their channels and see for yourself.
I go away in a week (A WEEK?!?!!?) and so I don’t know how much blogging I’ll get done before then, but I want to GET BACK INTO THIS SHIZZLE because I feel like the longer I stay away, the worse it gets in terms of knowing what to put. As I said at the beginning.
Yeah, so my last post was a little…intense. I know. I’m sorry.
So I want to write fantasy. HOW? How does one even DO that? I mean, so many writer’s manage it, but how do I? That is what I’m asking!
I have an idea, a slight one, and not at all fully formed, but it’s there, poking its head around the corner like an over-excited child at Christmas. I’ve even drawn a somewhat ugly looking map…only because I kind of had to. And let me tell you…one of the islands looks SO wrong. *giggles*
Yesterday I struggled to think up a new idea that didn’t sound like parodies of other books I’ve read, but suddenly in the middle of the night, something sprang to life, the first lines appeared in my head. I refused to get up and write them down ,so alas I forgot them, BUT the kind of…feel? of the story didn’t leave me. So here I am, telling you about what I’m thinking of doing. I’m obviously not going to tell you the PLOT or whatever, because well…I haven’t got one. YET. I like that word, you know. ‘Yet’ is such hopeful sound.
Ironically that’s what I’ve called one of the islands. ‘Hope’. LOL (imagine calling an island LOL though…wouldn’t that be LAUGH OUT LOUD worthy?) Anyway. So far I have a main character – Marissa Emblem. She’s 17 and she’s feisty. But disorientated because she’s found herself on the deck of a ship with a crowd of men around her, all waiting to see what’ll happen next. I’m interested to see how she got there. I mean, seriously…my brain is like “HOW???”
Then we have a friend – and he’s not really a love interest (yet?) because in my mind he’s a few years younger, though very very polite, and helpful, but not at all her type. Haha.
I was originally going to have it in real places, like Scotland or something, but then I realised I can’t be bothered to stare at google maps until my eyes bleed, so I figured why not make up a world? Or something close to? How hard can it be?
Coming up with names for places is like…well difficult. Even with place names generator websites, which by the way come up with names ALREADY EXISTING! I just think “what sounds weird?”
Anyway, I feel like this could be the start of a brand new series of blog posts. No, not really. I’m getting ahead of myself as usual. I just wanted to update you all. I mean, this shit takes TIME, ya know? I might be over it in a week, or I might be 10k in and loving it. Time will tell. I only have 3 pages so far.
What a killer first line, eh? Have I got you hooked? Shame it’s not for a story. It’s just how I’m feeling.
I had a video planned for this weeks blog/vlog/catalogue. Ha. I rhyme. Anyway, the video turned out to be a shitty idea. I mean, I filmed it, edited, but just…meh. I’m going through a stage of thinking everything is crap and I should give up.
I mean, there’s new bookish drama going on twitter THAT I COMPLETELY AGREE WITH (on the author’s side) and it’s making me so MAD because everyone jumps to the foregone conclusion that THEY ARE RIGHT AND EVERYONE WHO THINKS DIFFERENTLY IS WRONG AND SHOULD DIE IN A FIRE.
I don’t think that. I think if people want to think opposite to me, good for them, I’ll see them in court.
As I was sort of coming around to, this new drama has got me thinking about whether I should even bother writing? I love writing, I want to publish one day, but the way people are behaving, anything I write won’t be considered “accurate” or “represented 100% correctly” like can you fuck off and grow an imagination?
Sorry, I’m getting antsy again. *brushes ants off shoulder* shoo!
So as for my story, my humungous waste of time, I’m at 33? thousand words now. I think. I don’t know. I haven’t written in a couple of days due to a complete lack of mood and feeling like shit, which you can hear all about in my new video going up today. Sigh. WHY
On a totally non-book related side note: why do people think that if you’re older than 20 you’re not allowed to have moody moments and be sad or have depressive thoughts? Like what because I’m not a “hormonal teen” that I’m not allowed to bE DOWN? I should be ‘past’ that? Excuse you, but SOME OF US didn’t even HAVE those hormones as a teen. (I legit didn’t really bc of health issues) so if I’m finally catching up now, that’s not my fault. It’s biology. And fuck biology, that’s what I say. Tomorrow I’m becoming a panda. goodbye world
*tomorrow comes* Wait…what
I’m still human?
I realised for my story that I’m writing WAY too many dramatic scenes – and i love drama, I really do, but man this shit is depressing!- so I need to add some funny moments. It’s not enough to just have the MC’s narrative be ‘amusing’, if I want this to a ‘rom-com’ then it needs COMEDIC MOMENTS, YA HEAR?
I’m so glad I have my blog to hear my woes, because god knows no where else wants to hear them. I made a video about shit that happened this week. I don’t know why I thought that was a good idea.
I apologise in advance.
Um…book news? Um…yeah I HOPE to get to 40k by next week? Who the fuck knows anymore?
So here we are again. Didn’t I tell you I’d probably need to do these weekly? Since my last update, I’ll be honest. My words have not been flowing freely. Whenever I try to add more to the word count, I find I need to delete a few lines. So really, I’m not getting anywhere. It’s sooooo frustrating. I think this story is becoming…ugh, I can’t believe I’m saying this…stilted. It feels dry. Something isn’t working (still!) and I don’t know how to fix it. I want to cry.
The problem is simple: I have a very short attention span. Perhaps not as short as my (almost) 4 year old niece, but quite clearly getting there. I swear I wasn’t always like this. I get so bored easily with what I’m writing. Like last night, I had this AMAZING!!! Idea, and so I wrote it down carefully, and had character names and also, haha, this is funny; I put down the ‘cliches’ so my future self when I read it back can KNOW NOT TO WRITE THE STORY INVOLVING THESE THINGS!!! But hey, maybe my future self will be even worse and think “ah to hell with it”. Perhaps cliche’s will be cool? Weirder things have happened.
So I wrote down the names, the ‘do not do these cliches’ and then sort of wrote the plot…and that’s a loose ‘sort of’ because y’know…terrible. Since I’ve read SO many books, and there are certain things (I believe you hipsters call them ‘tropes’) that I like about these books, it’s bloody bloody hard (see, I’m laying off the swears this time. Aren’t you proud?) to AVOID these favourite things when writing your own story. I mean, I’m sure it’s easier once you’ve written a few books. But the problem IS that I also want to write what I enjoy. You feel me? Anyway, it’s mind blogging. I mean, boggling. Damn it, brain. CONCENTRATE!
The issue with my WIP is, to put it mildly, fucked. Oh, there I go.
Also, side note: I’m sick of changing the font to Heading 6 every time I start a new paragraph. >_> WordPress you fail sometimes!
*tightens fists* Okay, I’m calm. I’ve changed bits in my WIP where Jane now is the only POV, she’s met Dominic but she DOESN’T know who/what he is, and I’ve tried to add bits here and there to pad it out. It’s slow going, and I might be about 50 years old by the time it gets finished, but hey…
Maybe I’ll start something new on the side? Hell, I have about 20 different stories “on the side” and none of them are going far. You’ll have to excuse me.
Occasionally I question my reason for being a writer. I wonder if maybe I should try something else, and then I freak out because oh god, I don’t know what else I like! Before I decided to do writing ‘professionally’ I didn’t know what i wanted to do. I tried acting (spent a fortune on lessons) and that went south. I tried singing (a fortune on lessons) and well, I knew that wasn’t going to go far because I don’t exactly have the skills to make it. I still enjoy singing, though. But then I realised I enjoyed writing, and I thought fuck it, I’ll do this for a career. Shame I haven’t finished anything. Send help.
I wish blogging could be a paid career. Wait…that’s journalism, isn’t it? Yeah, I can’t do that. I need a degree. I’m way past the time for that. Anyway, I’m rambling now. Maybe if I write a new story, or try to, I can switch between that and the other one, and perhaps within the next decade I can finish. Oh fingers crossed. Like, toes and legs crossed too. You just go ahead and cross every limb you can, yeah? That’s a good..person.
I’m gonna go now, and finish watching Star Trek (the 09 movie, because mmm Chris Pine). I’ll talk to you next week! (I know I’m writing this the day before it’s published. I’m weird that way. 😀 )
(OR 432 IF I’M BEING 100% ACCURATE because this story has been going on for a while.)
It’s decided. In order to perhaps get a better idea on what the actual hell I’m writing, I wanna do monthly (or weekly…It’s not decided yet. haha okay I’m not ALL there) blog posts where I’ll talk about the struggles, the characters, maybe how far I’ve come along? I don’t know. But I need to vent and figure things out. Better late than never, eh?
Lately I’ve been coming up with epiphanies (hence the title of this post) about my story. I won’t go into too much detail lest I spoil it all for you, and for me, because y’know, I don’t have a clue where I’m going on this crazy train ride, after all.
Only last week I’d decided to change something big about my WIP because I was seriously struggling to find the ending. I knew something wasn’t right, as I was also very bored. So I decided to change 2 POVs to 1 POV. That in itself was a big enough overhaul that my word count took a major beating. I had originally made it to 40k, but now I might never get back there. Despite that, I feel much happier it being only one sided. I found that both POVs, even when one was a girl, the other a boy, were becoming very similar in sound. If they were real people, you could close your eyes and think they were twins. Which they’re not. I couldn’t have that. It was confusing me.
Then last night (very late) when I was getting ready for bed, my brain suddenly went POP BANG SPLATTER (kidding on that last one). Funnily enough it was while I was in the bathroom. You know, the birth place of all ideas. 😛 It occurred to me that I should take out the prologue, take out the fact that Jane, my MC, knows Dominic, the other guy before they actually speak face to face.
Why do so many boy/girl YA books work so well? There’s usually some mystery to them, right? So if the readers already know who the boy is, and what he is, that takes all the mystery and I suppose, joy, of finding out more, doesn’t it? I don’t even know why I had the damned prologue in the first place. I think it was more for my benefit, to be honest. It didn’t knock a huge amount off the word count, thankfully, and hopefully dragging out the ‘getting to know you’ process will *fingers crossed* create more plot bricks…if that makes sense? I mean, I already know who Dominic IS by this stage, as I’ve been writing him a while. It’s not like I’ve got to figure him out as I go along on my, what is it now? 3rd draft? I HAVEN’T EVEN FINISHED THE 1ST DRAFT YET! So I guess I’ll call it 1st draft, volume 3. LOL
My head is spinninnnggggg.
Anyway, now I have that sorted, I feel I should be able to continue undisturbed now. Ha, now I’ve said that I’m sure to have another idea later. Sigh.
When I was at my nieces yesterday afternoon, I mentioned sending some books off to friends, and my brother was all “what books are they? ones you’ve written?” -.- Yes, he’s always making comments about my writing, and how slow I am, and ‘when am I gonna make them money?”
I know he’s only teasing, but it makes me so…anxious. It’s the worst kind of pressure, because it’s not like he’s my editor or my agent and if I don’t finish a draft I won’t get paid. Or something. He’s just my idiot brother who doesn’t understand the creative process of NOT HAVING A FUCKING CLUE WHAT I AM DOING but hey I’m doing it anyway? You get me? He doesn’t read. He has ZERO creative bones in his body. It seems I got those. Even my other brother doesn’t read (and tbh, it’s obvious. he’s ignorant as fuck about a LOT of things). So of course they all think it’s piss easy to string along sentences to create paragraphs to create pages. It’s not. I wish it was. I mean, sure, if you want absolute shit presented to you, then hey, here you go. Don’t choke on it.
I don’t know how to get through to them (and my mum, because she’s also quite “you need to finish before i die, etc etc etc” which I’m quite offended by bc she’s never dying.) that writing a book is not as simple as press control-alt-CREATE, and even if I finished one, there is NO guarantee I’d even get published, and even THEN who’s to say I’d get enough to pay for a loaf of bread?
I wouldn’t even bet I’d get enough money to pay off a credit card bill if I won the lottery. So YEAH, I can do without the added stress thank you family.
So…before I continue to rant and rant the day away, I’ll leave you here.
I actually think I should do weekly blogs, because then maybe I’ll do more writing. lol
Have a good day and you know…try not to freak out too often. 🙂
I was supposed to be taking part in #BoutofBooks18 this week, and despite the week not being over yet, I’m afraid to say I’ve failed myself. I realise this read-a-thon is a no pressure thing, but I rather think I signed up prematurely. As in, I thought I could do it, but I can’t.
I didn’t make a TBR for it, because I didn’t want to tie myself down to anything. However, I had been classing my reread of Harry Potter as part of my TBR. Kind of. I’d even been listening to some audio books, but really it was all rather casual. So casual I wasn’t actually doing the read-a-thon. lol.
I’ve also got back into binge watching my rewatch of Supernatural, so naturally that took over my life. It also cut into my reading, and my writing. So basically, I can call this read-a-thon a fail and I’ll try better next time.